The Nicki Minaj Catastrophe

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Whoops, sorry about that. My dog attacked my keyboard. Anyways…for those of you that are used to me posting all the intimate details of my life via blog, I decided to be a me monster here for a sec and update you on my life. Or…what’s all happened since I left the blogging scene for the last two months.

I quit my job at Big Apple Bagels. I don’t want to bad mouth anyone so I’ll just be vague and say that me and my boss had a disagreement while my dad was in the hospital and I quit. End of story. I did get the job I had last year back. It’s a flower shop called North Star and I love it. I love flowers, I love the people, I love my co workers, and get this: I have the BEST boss ever. Seriously. I don’t care who your boss is, mine is way cooler than yours mkay?

A few sentences back I mentioned that my Daddo whom I adore, was in the hospital. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced (way worse than passing a cop as you realize you’re accidentally going ten miles over the speed limit). See, he was at work and he had this episode thing where he started slurring his words and was light headed I guess, plus a bunch of other crap I can’t remember because I hate thinking of it. Anyways, they thought he had a TIA so he went to the hospital and resided there for a few. He’s fine now, it turns out that it was just his Sodium/Potassium levels flipping out. Funny though, how you don’t realize how much you love someone until you almost lose them. Even if you think you know…you don’t.

Also, I’ve become an Instagraming fool. Follow me @hollyaugust. I mostly take pictures of flowers we have at work and crap I’ve planted. And beach scenes. You know. Anything I could possibly take a picture of. My ultimate goal is to not post selfies. It’s been pretty easy considering the fact that I’ve pretty much kissed makeup goodbye and never bother to look in the mirror anymore. Sometimes I think I Instagram too much though. I’ve begun to stalk through people’s hair pictures. This one girl had rainbow hair and I actually found myself wanting to do that. Yeah. It looks cool. Until you realize that people are only going to see your hair and be so focused on that that they won’t be able to so much as have a conversation with you because they’ll just be like…you know…checking out your hair. Kind of like Nicki Minaj and her lime green catastrophe…I saw it in People magazine (which I don’t normally read by the way). Plus, I’m pretty sure my boss would fire me if I showed up with rainbow hair.

Oh, and I kind of found the love of my life (just being dumb and girly here). He doesn’t know that I exist though. Don’t you love it when that happens? Anyways I guess I might as well tell you who it is since he’ll never read this. Jordan Taylor. Yeah, you know the guy from Blimey Cow? It was his cute laugh that sealed the deal. He’s adorable and if you haven’t watched his videos, do it. Now. But remember, you can’t have him. He’s mine. Because you can totally lay legitimate claim to people you don’t know via blog post.

Yeah, anyways…that’s pretty much all that’s been happening in my life. Enjoy. See ya later gater.

Band Guys...

(Note: I'm not saying that all guys in bands dress like this. Infact I know a lot who don't. This is simply me venting on my blog. If you can't take it, then please feel free to stop reading.)

Today I feel I must address a most important and disturbing issue in our society.

 This issue is: Guys in bands and how the way they dress screams, “I JUST STOLE MY SISTER’S PANTS!!!!!” even though they probably didn’t (99% of the time anyways).

Awhile back I was wandering around at a Christian music festival, called Big Ticket, in Lower Michigan.  Something I couldn’t help but notice while I was there is the way that the “band guys” dress. It’s pretty hilarious. I would say that about 89% of the band guys were wearing skinny jeans and about %55 percent of the skinnies were three times too small.  I don’t understand why guys do that to themselves. It’s as if they have this attitude of, “Well I’m in a band now so I have to be super obvious about it by wearing my little sister’s skinny jeans and a rad pair of sunglasses that I never take off.” And if they weren’t rockin’ the super skinnies, they were rockin’ the super skinny CUT OFFS.

WHAAAAT?!

True story. And if you’re fortunate enough to not know what skinny cut offs are, then by all means, please let me scar you for life by describing them:

Skinny Cut Offs: Way too tight pants that are cut off just above the knee, thus screaming that the man wearing them is having a bad case of gender confusion. This fashion crisis is generally paired with a wife beater or a really low V neck t-shirt. Both of them just add to the overall awfulness.

I saw one of the guys had his skinny cut offs, rolled up to short shorts. I suddenly felt the urge to make fun of him on my blog. He was probably a hipster.

I mean honestly, if any of the guys in my band showed up wearing that….I would fire him. I don’t care how freakishly talented he is, THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR SCARRING PEOPLE FOR LIFE!

I really would rather you be covered in tattoos, pierced up beyond recognition, wear guyliner and have hair longer than mine, than wear skinny cut offs.

So, for those of you teeny bopper fan girls chasing after any guy who can play so much as Smoke On the Water on his First Act guitar, fear not. Fortunately for you, not all guys in bands are trying to fit into size -0 pants. There is hope. That hope lies in you and me. Maybe if we complain enough and make a huge deal out of it, we can force them to convert to shopping in the men’s department again.

Don't Feed the Hipsters

Don’t you just love stereotypes? I do. It’s so easy to put people in a box all neat and tidy, especially if you’re lazy type A like me. I could stereotype people all day. Like, take my brother for instance, he’s a total motorhead. My youth pastor? Boy next door. Psychopath. Dork. My cousin? Jock. My best guy? Musician. My best girl? She’s...well……… okay so; no one really knows what she is. (LOVE YOU AUTIE!)

Like I said. Stereotyping is easy. Almost as easy as writing a whole blog post using. Fragmented. Sentences.

I was thinking yesterday about what I’m generally stereotyped as and if people are labeling me correctly (according to me).

Things I’m most commonly labeled as:

That Homeschooled Kid

Religious/Christian

Musician

Hipster (actually should be at the top of the list because people ask me all the time if I am)

When someone first asked me if I was a hipster, I was thinking “Um…I thought hipsters were a kind of underwear. What the heck?” However, after doing a ton of research on Google (the fount of knowledge according to my boss) I found that hipsters are actually a group of people! And get this; at first glance I almost do resemble a hipster…except that I drive a car. Apparently owning a vehicle is super offensive in hipsterville. But really, you often see me roaming through wherever in an over sized plaid shirt, messy hair, and jeggings or something. And yes I drink tons of coffee, usually stuff I make myself. Also I’m big into buying local (except for a few Amazon splurges) and gardening (mostly herbs). Also, I like a lot of music that most people don’t “get”. Still. I’m not a hipster.

Reasons I’m not a hipster:

I’m conservative                                                                                                          

I take showers

I listen to Coldplay (And they’re way too popular for hipsters to listen to. Although, they probably “listened to them before they were popular”.)

I like almost everything

I try not to have an opinion on every single little thing

I’m too lazy to recycle (sorry mom)

I don’t have a bike as old as my grandmother

I don’t purposely contradict myself

I don’t obsess over indie bands to people that really don’t give a crap

I’m not trying to be a jerk here; I just think the whole idea is ludicrous. Another funny thing this website said is that hipsters love blogging and they almost always use BlogSpot/BLOGGER. Oh and they’re supposedly really sarcastic. If I put the hipster label on every sarcastic person who drinks coffee and buys locally….then about 56% of America's population are hipsters. Just sayin’.

I’m not saying, “Don’t label me a hipster” by all means, label me what you want. After all…what would the world be without nice little stereotyping boxes? So label away. Whatever you do, just don’t feed the hipsters.