That "unemployed" feeling...

So…it’s been awhile. I must admit that I’ve been avoiding the blogging scene as of late because, I’ve been really depressed and I didn’t want all my posts to consist of, “My life sucks and I hate my job and blah blah blah.” I mean, who wants to read that? Besides, my life does NOT suck; and I don’t HAVE a job anymore!

See, a month ago I got a job at a bridal shop. I thought it would be fun helping girls find their dream dress. I went into this whole thing with the, “Okay God, if this isn’t what I’m s’posed to do then don’t let it work out” mindset. I figured that because I did end up getting the job, that it was what I was meant to do. So I started training. And I tell you what dearest reader, the first warning flag that went off should have been enough to make me realize that I am NOT cut out for working with brides.

 It was like this: my boss was with a bride at the front desk and I was hanging around the area fixing dresses and such. The bride was there with a honey dew melon colored chiffon swatch, she was holding it up against (God forbid) a WHITE CAMO groomsmen jacket! She was asking my boss “Does this match?” and my boss told her that it was her wedding and she could do what she wanted. Then the worst of my nightmares came true…the woman looked over at me and she said, “Hey…what do you think?”

What I wanted to say: “ARE YOU BLOODY INSANE?!?! Why would you do this to yourself?!? Twenty years from now you’re going to look through your wedding pictures and scream ‘WHY?’ White camo (unless you’re in to hunting and stuff) is TACKY and NOT for weddings. Moron.”

What I actually said: “Erm…well honestly…no. It doesn’t match. If I were you, I’d go with this.” And I selected a more olive green-ish color.

THEN, after she ASKED my opinion, she turned back to my boss. She smiled, tucked her hair behind her ears and said, “Are you SURE this doesn’t match?” My boss smiled back at her and told her that it did match. It was good. She could totally pull it off.

For the rest of the day, all I could think about was that Liar Liar movie with Jim Carey.

The next time I worked, I had a girl that was looking for a prom dress. She tried on every tiny “painted on” dress in the store. Too low and too short. Thank God she never asked my opinion on anything. That is all I have to say about her.

Day after day these brides would come in and my gosh, they’d be like size 30 and trying on strapless mermaid dresses. I would just smile and think to myself, “Girl, you look like sausage bursting out of its casing.” All the while saying positive things like, “Oh, the beading on this one is so pretty!” and stuff like that. I couldn’t bring myself to lie. If it doesn’t look good on you, it doesn’t look good on you.

I had this one lady that came in; she actually comes in every week, to try her dress on. She told me that she gained a bunch of weight and she was worried about the dress being too tight. So I got her in the dress and started trying to pull up the zipper. It wouldn’t budge. So I had one of my co-workers come in hold the dress together so I could zip it. Then the lady started fishing for complements. Oh my goodness was she ever fishing. It was so awkward. However I told her she looked great, because she didn’t look terrible.

So people came and went, I usually couldn’t help anyone because the shop had no legitimate training program. It was a sink or swim job, and I was sinking. I only ever had one customer that I enjoyed, she was a mother of the bride and she was sticking her nose in where it didn’t belong (you know, obsessing over all the wedding details that weren’t for her to decide). It was quite entertaining.

 Still, I was questioning whether I actually belonged there. Whenever my friends would ask me how I liked my job, I never really knew what to say. Truth was I didn’t like it at all. The only enjoyable part was that I got to work with my friend Autie.

Another thing I didn’t like (that I thought I would like) is that there was this huge pressure (that may or may not have been self inflicted) to look absolutely picture perfect. It took me FOREVER to get ready for work in the morning.

-Figuring out what the heck to wear: 15 minutes (I’m indecisive okay?)

-Ironing whatever the heck I found to wear: 30 minutes (I suck at ironing)

-Shower: 15 minutes

-Getting my hair to behave: 35 minutes

-Makeup: 10 minutes

That’s a grand total of 105 minutes. It should not take me THAT long to get ready for work. Besides, I felt like every time I walked out my door that I didn’t look like me. I wasn’t that goofy awkward verging on nerdy Holly that my friends all know. I was a cool, calm, collected, solemn girl just trying to be “perfect” and going to the “perfect” job and having “perfect” control over everything. So not me.

And then I decided to quit. I don’t belong in a bridal shop. I belong somewhere that I can be me…so maybe, a coffee shop atmosphere. I don’t know yet. But I know I’ll find out. When I find a place that I can wear my favorite jeans and I can joke with customers and enjoy myself…then I know I’ve found the place.

You wanna know something strange? Remember how I said I was depressed and stuff? Well ever since I quit, I've been so happy! Like, almost giddy. Strange right?

So meanwhile, I sit here unemployed. I’m thinking that Monday I’ll print up a few (like ten) resumes and hand ‘em out. I know God will put me where I’m supposed to be.