It's kinda like little kids swimming!

Okay before I start writing this I need to give some credit to my mother for inspiring it with her whole “it’s kinda like little kids swimming with those floating devices!” analogy.

I wish I could have seen your face when you read that.

I also wish you could have seen mine when she told me that.

You see, it all kind of started when me and mom were sort of lazing about listening to some good old Jack Johnson (if you don’t know who that is you better go look him up). Mom looked as if she was thinking about something really deep, and so I asked her what she was thinking about.

“Oh…just little kids swimming…”

Of course that left me with the question: Do I even WANT to know?

I took a chance and asked her to elaborate. Afterward I was glad I did.

Basically mom went on to explain that….how should I say this? Okay, picture a little kid with those silly balloon-ish things strapped to their arms and a floatie noodle thing underneath him/her. The kid just thinks this is the coolest thing since……goldfish crackers, I donno. Anyways, now you look over at the parents. Ah, the parents. They’re trying to coax the little munchkin to take those goofy balloon things off and learn to swim. But the kid has to trust the parents.

Or picture the same little munchkin trying to ride a bike with training wheels. Little munchkin is six now and his/her training wheels are worn down. Munchkin is too afraid to trust mom and dad to teach him/her how to ride without them.

Are you confused yet? Bear with me a second.

You see, it’s kind of like us with God. Or me and God anyways, I don’t know, maybe you’ve got it all figured out. I sure don’t, and I’m not ashamed in saying it either. Anyhow, right now I’m reaching this scary part in my life. I’m sixteen. Big deal? Um, yes and no. It’s only a big deal because I’ve reached this point where I don’t belong ANYWHERE. It’s like I’m stuck between child and adult.

“Oh she’s just being dramatic” you say.

Yeah. I know I am. I’m sixteen for crying out loud; I’m supposed to be dramatic.

Back to not belonging anywhere. Let me explain. It’s like, I’m trying to find my place in this world, I’m getting too old for training wheels, and more than ever I need to rely on God to direct my paths.

But it’s scary.

Not that I don’t trust God, cuz I do.

But am I right in saying that I’m not the only one who has moments of doubt?

No, I don’t mean that I doubt God exists. I KNOW He exists.

It’s just that…sometimes I’m afraid He won’t catch me if I fall for Him…you know?

Especially at this time in my life… God is about to do some big things with me. He already is. Now I know that sounds kind of conceited on my part. But I don’t mean it that way.  Mainly because I know its God doing all the good stuff, I’m just the canvas He’s painting. I feel so blessed because of what God is using me to do. I’m also amazed that He wants to use someone as messed up as I am.

Now I just have to let Him work in me. It’s hard though. Hard letting go of my worldly desires. Hard figuring out the difference between worldly desires and Godly ones.

Sometimes I’m afraid that if I give myself all to God, He’ll take me away from all my friends and family.

It’s just a lack of trust though.

I know deep down in my soul that He’s not going to take me away from something good unless He has something better.

Now I just have to take off my training wheels and let Him give me that push.

Oh, and pedal.